just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
