I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
