i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
