There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize