Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What drink are we having for lunch?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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