Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
