you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
