I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
