Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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