My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
