Jerry, you need to find god
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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