thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
