His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize