Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
