Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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