SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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