After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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