4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
