plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
