i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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