im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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