Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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