I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
