im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I love you. Go after that dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
