I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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