I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
