So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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