he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
