Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
