I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
