you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
