ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize