If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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