now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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