I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
