Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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