Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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