I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
