I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
