Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
