My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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