i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize