Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
