I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
