At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
