Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
