i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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