Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
