dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
