me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
