The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
