Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
