Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
