Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
