Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Holy shit dude........stairs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
