there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
