***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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