cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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