It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
