Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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