I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
