I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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