Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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