Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
