All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
