A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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