and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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