neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
