i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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