We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
