just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
