I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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