I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize